The Ties That Bind

Greetings from North Carolina!

I cannot say how good this vacation has been for my soul.  As happy as I am in my life and in my marriage, there are some residual effects of divorce that occasionally rear their nasty head. And they bother me. One is the fact that when you divorce, you inevitably lose some friends.  Some people take sides, some people judge you, and some people just plain don't know how to respond, so they avoid you.  I can't go chasing down every person I've ever known to make sure that they're okay with my life choices.  And while for the most part I can let it go, sometimes it does bother me.  

I grew up in the same town almost all of my life.  I had a very loving extended family... made up entirely of people not related to me.  It would literally be impossible for me to keep in touch with all of them as often as I'd like.  But at the risk of sounding sappy, they are always in my heart, and I have very tender feelings for them.  Today at my parents' house, a bunch of old friends from Massachusetts happened to align paths so that we all met up.  I laughed until I cried- for hours.  It was so reassuring to me to feel so loved.  It felt good for them to tell me that I looked happy, and to see that my happiness was important to them.  

I don't know what I ever did to deserve such a blessing in my life.  My husband is not big on keeping in touch with people, which is unfathomable to me.  But he understands and accepts my need to do so.  That makes me a very lucky woman.

Here are a few pictures from today.  You may know some of these people, you may not.  (I'm sure you all know Steve... otherwise known in Blogland as HappyBack.  If he's not on your reader, he should be.  You're guaranteed a laugh.)  These people are my extended family, and I love them dearly.

Norman and Debbie

Me and Tara

Yisel, Andrew and Isabella (my brother and his wife... so they are family)

Don and Iris

Sam, Paul and Ellie

Valerie and Tara

Me and Steve

WOOP! There it is!

Remember that annoying song from about 15 years ago? Well, it was all I heard coursing through my head yesterday as I took my two nieces to the pool. And my bathing suit top broke. And my itty bitty teeny tiny mamas made their debut in front of the local population.
At first I thought the clasp had slipped. So I scream-whispered for my 11 year old niece to come fix it for me, so I didn't have to let go of my 1 year old niece's hand and watch her drown. She came over, tried, and then informed me it was broken. BROKEN! In my deepest dreams, it broke because the strain from holding back my bosoms was more than it could bear.
I called Skip and told him about it, expecting lots of sympathy. Instead he said, "I think I'm kind of turned on over here..."
It's time for me to get a new suit and time for him to get out of the middle of the woods with those cadets.

And no, there are no pictures with this post.

My John Denver moment... Take Me Home...

See these ladies? Recognize them? It's Annie, Brittany, and Liz (aka Calibosmom). They are the East Coast blogging crew... the northeast coast, that is. And since I was in this neck of the woods, I got to hook up with them! I knew Brittany growing up in Boston, and then she moved to California. She knew Paige and Heather D, which is how I ended up linking into all this blogging insanity in the first place. We had a fantastic time. I guess I should only speak for myself, but I had a fantastic time. I laughed so hard, I even cried a little, and it was wonderful. As crazy as it seems to "meet" people online, I have made some wonderful friends and found many women I have lots in common with. I'm glad to get to know them in real life, and truly call them friends.



I spent a couple days in Massachusetts. This is Marji, and her husband Neal. I have known Marji since I was about four or five years old. She is my oldest friend, and just like my sister. We grew up right next door to each other. When I would get grounded, she would go into her parents' room, where the window faced mine, and we would write notes back and forth and hold them up to the window. We would send secret flashlight messages across the way at night. Not that we could understand them, but it was fun.

I love the East Coast. I love everything about it. I spent so much of my life here and it will always feel like home to me. There are so many people- my friends, family friends, teachers, old ward members... you name it- and seeing them is refreshing for my soul. There is much to be said for people who have known you at your worst and still love you; those who have seen you at your best and are proud of you; those who have cried and laughed with you for years and years. I wish I had time to see everyone while I was here, but there is never enough time.

Tomorrow... off to North Carolina! It's a really great summer for me this year.

More Used Would I Be...

One of my favorite hymns in the LDS church is "More Holiness Give Me" because heaven knows, I could use a lot more divine qualities in my life.

I decided I would find the local church and attend today. Turns out it was right across the street from the Yale campus. I drove up, and found 12 parking spaces in the lot. Not 12 available, but 12 total. My assumption is most people walk. It was right in the heart of the city. And the diversity in the congregation was fantastic!

We sang some hymns in English, some in Spanish. (My Spanish is getting a real workout over here) After every hymn, some of the members would yell out "AMEN! SING IT!" LDS hymns aren't the most rousing, but I can see where old habits die hard. There were a few young Yale couples there, but mostly just a very diverse group of locals.

I realize that no matter where you attend your church meetings, the doctrine is the same. The spirit is the same. But there is something inside of me that pulls me towards diversity. When I came home from my mission, I attended the little Cape Verdean branch in my stake every chance I got. And I loved feeling so useful! I love to be among newly converted church members. The learning is new, it's exciting, and often times you can do it in a foreign language! I love that.

I do love the ward I attend now, although I will admit that I am very much like everyone else there. There is little diversity, and no opportunity to use any of my language skills. Is it wrong to feel like I have more to offer? I enjoy the work I currently do in the nursery, and I am diligent about my responsibilities there. But I long to do more. I want to live in a place where there is sharing of culture, where I can learn and use more languages, where I truly feel needed. For as long as I can remember, that has been something that makes me happy, and something I have sought opportunities to do. Is that wrong? Does it mean I'm not satisfied with my current situation? I don't think so. But like the hymn says, "more used would I be..." I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll never join the Peace Corps. But I fear the skills and talents I have been blessed with have been packed away. I'm anxious to find a way to use them. Is there a line in that hymn that says "more patience give me"? Maybe our next move will find me there.

The Things I Know

I know that living away from the East Coast means I don't get to eat nearly as much of THIS as I would like to:

I know that I was born into the wrong culture. Deep down, I don't believe I am really a white girl. My taste in music, men, entertainment, and particularly food tells me that somewhere, in a far off country, I have a birth mother who is mourning my absence. My sister-in-law is from the Dominican Republic, and her mom makes me fish, beans and rice every day. And every day, I know I am a teeny bit happier.

I know that sleepovers used to be fun when I was the age of my niece. I know that I am no longer that age. I know that my sleep is precious to me... far more valuable than staying up late to play Twister,
or put on makeup.
I know that really, I AM a white girl. A very, very, very white girl.

I know that the white gene is very dominant in my family. My niece's mom has olive skin and jet black hair. My niece... does not.

And I know that vacation is good. Everyone should take vacations from time to time, just to unwind a bit and reconnect. Vacation also helps you appreciate what you have at home. So take a vacation. Enjoy it. Refresh yourself a bit. I know it's a good idea.

So Much To Say, So Little Time

First of all...

WHAT A GAME!! I watched it by myself in the Seattle airport, which wasn't as much fun as it would've been watching with my husband... but it was still amazing. I can't wait to buy myself the tshirt. TWENTY TWO YEARS I've been waiting for this. It felt so good.

Second: Spent 2 days in Seattle. Got to see some old friends from Hawaii who now live up there. The kids loved every minute of it, and it was so good to see them. They took us to the locks and salmon ladders... it was awesome.



Third: Guess who managed to get someone to cover for him for a day? Remember this guy: It was good for my soul. We spent the day in Seattle before my flight left that night. I love this man more and more every day. Three weeks down, three to go until we're together again.

I'm in Connecticut now, with my two adorable nieces. The heat wave is apparently over, since it was in the low 70's today. Maybe it's me... I can't seem to find heat no matter where I go. We'll know my theory is true if it snows while I'm here.

I'm having a great time. My kids made it to their dad's without incident, and while I miss them terribly, this time away is so refreshing for me. Life is really good.

Saving the World... One Wardrobe at a Time

otherwise titled...
Goodbye, Cruel World.

Okay, it's all a bit dramatic, yes. The world can't be saved one dress at a time, and the world isn't really that cruel. I just like my new dress and Pink Floyd. But this post is twofold:

First: A HUGE thank you to the darling, fashion-savvy Paige, who inspired me to buy myself a dress. Excluding my wedding dress, I have bought one dress and 2 skirts for myself in the past ten years. I am a make-do kind of gal. And I'm fine with that, but there is something to be said for slipping on a new dress. So Paige... while I will never own as many purses as you, or earrings, or shoes, I do now own one extremely cute dress, and I thank you for that. You are good at what you do. You can see Paige's original inspiration here.
Second: I'm going on vacation. East coast baby! All by myself. Skip is still at training, and the kids leave tomorrow for their dad's. What to do, what to do...? I have 2 1/2 weeks to see friends and family all over the east coast. Who knows what my blogging situation will be... but I can assure you my relaxation situation will be at an all-time high.
So. Enjoy your summers... I'll enjoy mine... now I'm off to play in my new dress all over New England.

Big C, little c, What Begins With C?

I do enjoy a good blog read. A really good one is my new friend and spooning partner, Celia. Celia is funny, and a little off in her thinking. I mean, the stuff she comes up with is just OUT THERE sometimes. And I love every minute of it. But it has often caused me to wonder about her husband. Is he like Celia at all? Does he really appreciate her sense of humor? Is he funny like she is? Are they a good match, or do they drive each other nuts? So I figured I would go straight to the big kahuna myself and make my inquiries. Following is an interview I held with Big C.



*True to form, when I asked little c for her husband's email address, she spent days hacking into his account waiting for the questions to arrive. She then swiped them, and replied in her own words on her blog. Head over for the Paul Harvey version of the story...

TOP TEN QUESTIONS FOR BIG C:

1. You may or may not be aware that your wife is wildly popular on the blogging circuit. We know why we all love her… what do YOU feel is her most endearing quality? Please give an example.
Celia just wants to have fun. She’s always scheming up a new adventure. Like last week when I noticed her “to do” list said, “Buy tickets to Hawaii.” My reaction was, “Who’s going to Hawaii now?”

2. You appear to be more reserved, perhaps even conservative. Celia, on the other hand… not so much. Is that an accurate assumption, and if so, can you ‘splain me dat, Lucy?

It’s true that Celia is an extrovert, but she’s actually too young to have watched I Love Lucy in her youth, so that can’t be her inspiration. Also, I’m Scotch, not Puerto Rican. Celia works to live; I live to work. It all works out.

3. Celia occasionally references the relationship between you and her sisters. Care to comment on the real nature of the beast?
Let’s just say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

4. What is the key to your marital success?
We respect each other’s role in the marriage. I’m in charge of making the money; Celia’s in charge of spending the money.

5. Who is funnier: Big C or little c?
That depends on your taste for humor. Celia usually doesn’t get too personal in her humor. For example, she’ll poke fun at anyone who’s ever worn white in a family photo. On the other hand, when I make a joke, it’s funnier, but also in very bad taste and not at all politically correct.

6. If you could change one thing about your wife, what would it be? (A safe answer might involve the words “Depeche Mode” )
Depeche Mode? That puts me in vomit mode. I do wish she loved Led Zeppelin as much as I do. However, it’s okay because I’ve sent our kids through my own School of Rock and now we outnumber her.

7. When did you realize that you wanted to ask Celia to marry you?
Do you know the story about free milk and the cow? Or maybe it was when I discovered that she had a better car than I did. She had a brand new, Chinese red Mazda MX-6. I was driving an old Toyota with a Taco Bell color scheme.

8. What is your favorite meal, as “prepared” by your wife? (we all know about her faux-made dishes)
Once a year, she insists on making my special birthday cake for me. It’s a white cake with cream cheese and whipping cream frosting, topped by a can of pie cherries in syrup. She thinks it’s disgusting and everyone hates it but me, but it’s OK since it’s my birthday. It’s about 13,000 calories, and I eat the whole thing.

9. Please detail the plans you would make for Celia’s Ultimate Romantic Getaway. Be sure to include specific dates so she can clear her calendar.
My parents’ house has been added on to so that it now has a bedroom in the very center of the house. It has big glass doors on one side and a thin wood door on the other. That would be my first choice, but we’ve done it so many times already.
Celia would like to stay on the Central California coast, doing nothing but sleep, read, and eat. I’m good with that.

10. If you could take this opportunity to say anything to your wife (knowing it will be read by a couple hundred of her closest friends) what would you say?
Is it possible to make money blogging? Could we sell advertising space on your blog or maybe charge admission?

Well... I'm still waiting for the mysteries of Big C to be unlocked. But until he starts his own blog (which I heard he's seriously considering doing) we'll just have to settle for his carefully chosen words in this online interview. Little c... looks like sixteen years well-invested. I say keep him around. Big C... thanks for your time. I only had to pester you twice for the responses. Not bad.

MySpace Has Been Invaded

DISCLAIMER: I tend to write about generally mundane yet amusing things. Occasionally I post some personal thoughts, and every once in awhile I touch on a sensitive subject. This is a sensitive subject, I'm sure, for plenty of people. And I'll probably offend someone in the process, and I'm sorry. But these are my thoughts. Take them for what they are.

Several people I know use MySpace, an online social networking website. Most of them are younger than me, but apparently find me interesting enough to want to share their space with me anyway. I opened a MySpace account just so I could accept their invitations. I don't do anything there, I don't spend time there other than to occasionally check in on my friends and see their pictures. I'm just going to be honest here, but WHAT IS UP WITH TOTALLY PIMPING YOURSELF OUT ONLINE?

The following picture was a FRIEND of someone I know. It was posted on her MySpace page.

Give me a break! The girl is somewhere between 16-21 years old. And in one fell swoop, she's promoting the naughty nurse fantasy along with the lollipop fellatio deal. COME ON! I was so disgusted by this, I didn't even bother to check for new photos of relatives.

Most of my experience with people in MySpace has been similar to this. Perhaps not quite as blatantly sexualized, but clearly provocative nonetheless. Teenagers and young adults, mostly female, putting up pictures with sultry faces and implicit poses. Clearly, the anonymity of being online would embolden people to act in ways they otherwise might not. If you were just going to a friend's house to meet some new people, would you show up as Naughty Nurse Betty? Probably not. But online, suddenly you're hidden behind this protective shield, and so many people seem to be okay with that.

I realize there's a lot of bad stuff out there. But I look at what today's youth are being raised in, and I honestly fear for my children. As much as we try to teach them right from wrong, build a strong family, instill religious devotion, this is still what they are growing up with. Mika is going into 5th grade, and he has friends already whose parents have given them MySpace accounts and posted YouTube videos. They had a beach party at school the other day, and one girl showed up in a bikini. Don't get me wrong, I love a good bikini. But her sitting around the classroom with every inch of her prepubescent body hanging out really bothered me. This is the same girl that calls our house, asks for Mika, and then giggles and hangs up when he gets on the phone. I can all but guarantee, in a few years this same girl will have her own over-sexed pictures on MySpace.

Where is the self-respect? Where is the pride in being a good girl? I don't understand it, and frankly, the potential windfall from it all will be devastating to our society. That may sound a bit melodramatic, but truthfully, what kind of mothers will these girls grow up to be? What kind of wives will they make?

I am disappointed to see so much of this. And I know I'm not just getting older and more cynical. It's wrong. Plain and simple.

Whenever I Hear The Song of a Bird...

Sometimes, during spring, I really take a moment to appreciate the beauty that mother nature affords us. Spring means many things to me, I wanted to share a few of them with you:

Working in my flower bed...
Playing a game of hoops with my kids...
Walking around the neighborhood for some fresh air...

Enjoying the gorgeous colors of spring blossoms...

Long mornings of hard work at football camp...

Ah, yes, spring. Invigorating. Renewing. Oddly, however, the snowpants are all packed away.

The Best Laid Plans...

Let's just start our day off with a weather report. Let's see... today's date? June 10th. Peek out the window... oh, yes, that is snow. I've been up for over an hour, and it has yet to stop. As a matter of fact, it's snowing twice as much now as it was when I took this picture. Have fun at your first day of football camp, Mika!
In other news...

You know, I try to be a good mom. I really do. I don't scream unnecessarily at my kids, I attempt to dole out effective discipline when needed, I love, I snuggle, I plan meaningful activities, I feed them balanced meals and healthy snacks, I monitor screen time, I encourage independent free play, I even buy them clothes. I make the effort.

So WHY then... WHY do I feel like my efforts are continually thwarted? Someone out there wants me to fail as a parent.

I like to call this horse "Exhibit A."

I had this great plan to take my animal-loving children to an Appaloosa horse festival. There would be horseback riding, games, activities, fun, fun, FUN! They were excited! They talked about it all week!!
And then we went. Keola had a "sad choice" moment earlier in the week, thus the "energy drain" for me was that it would require too much energy on my part to supervise him on the horses. He would have to sit and watch. One kid down, two to go.

Noe got there, and freaked out at the size of the horses. Not to mention was completely disgusted by the poo smell. (I don't know if the hearing impairment heightens her sense of smell, but the girl is like a bloodhound!) No horsey rides for Miss Noe. Two kids down, one to go.

I forgot to mention that it was sprinkling the day of the festival. And the horses were outdoors. And it was unseasonably cold. But Mika is a trooper. He got on the horse, let me take some pictures, and then said, "Can we go now?" Come to find out, he only wanted to go because a certain young lady he knows happens to LOVE horses, and he figured she'd be there. She wasn't. Three strikes for my mother of the year campaign.

We came home and watched Old Yeller and ate ice cream sandwiches instead.

I'm So Happy.

Why, might you ask, am I so happy? The reasons tonight are two-fold. First:
This is Gabi. She writes a fun and fresh blog, and is known for interviewing her interpeeps. I am the lucky recipient of this week's interview about life in the military and as a racially mixed family. It can be read by clicking here.


The second reason involves this:

and tonight's game in the NBA finals. The Celtics are playing delicious basketball. I was even pleasantly surprised to see one Kurt Rambis sitting next to Mr. Phil Jackson... and without his 80's mullet and coke-bottle glasses, the guy could actually be a candidate for a new reality tv series: NBA... The Swan.

Say W-H-A-T?

Don't Get Your Forehead Oil On My Window

So. This is first time I've done one of these. You know, people tell you what to post about, and you obey them...? It looked like so much fun on everyone else's post. But everytime I thought about doing it, I got all anxious. As part of my self-awareness journey (read: total life makeover) I have made an effort to let go of the image of perfection I so crave. Mind you, I'm painfully aware of my many imperfections, but the image of perfection is valuable to me. That said, I promised myself I wouldn't cheat. With Jessica as my example of honesty, and Christie as my motivation to just do it, here you are:

The only rule is that you have to take the picture as-is. No tidying up, no insisting the world pretends along with you that your life and home are perfect. Just an honest cyber-peek into your home.

1. My Kitchen Sink:
I squeezed lemons over some chicken for grilling tonight. Some peels didn't make it down the disposal. And the sink desperately needs a scrubbing. I'm sure after this exposure, it will be done this evening.


2. My Refrigerator:
A little low right now... trying to finish things off before we leave. You'll notice a container of Cool Whip. For the record, I hate Cool Whip. But we were invited to a get together and I brought a dessert that had Cool Whip in the recipe. This is the leftover stuff. Sadly, this was about 2 weeks ago. But I hear this stuff has the shelf-life of a Twinkie.

3. My Laundry:

In light of recent conversations, I found it amusing that my blue bra was hanging to dry next to my washer. The towel is left over from last night's dip in the hot tub.
4. My Favorite Room:

My favorite room is the dining room, because I love to cook, I love to eat, and I love to do it as a family. Nah, really, I just love our new table and find this to be the cleanest, nicest looking room in the house.

The room we spend the most time in is the living room. Ilene recently moved down the street from me... waaaay down the street... but just finished decorating the new house. I love what she (read: her mom) did, and I would love some inspiration for these huge white walls. The ceilings are high and I have no idea how to decorate them.
5. My Toilet:
It's clean. What else do you want to know? My magazine basket is not organized, obviously well-used, and dangerously close to the splash zone. *Note to self: move magazine basket over at least 7 inches.*

6. My Closet:

Generally an organized place. Shirts hung by style, color, and sleeve length on the top. Bottom rack features pants, capris and skirts. Left side is husband's clothes, right side are my sweaters. I know... get a life.

We like to play Scene It in bed at night. We have to hide it in the closet up high, so the mongers don't get into it.

7. What the kids are doing right now:

When I took these pictures several hours ago, the boys were supposed to be grounded in their rooms for incredibly obnoxious behavior earlier this morning. They were, instead, building suits of armor out of cardboard boxes. They look genuinely sorry for their bad behavior.

Noe took advantage of my leaving the kitchen to sniff some white chocolate chips. We were going to make banana bread today, with white chocolate chips. It didn't happen, so I gave her the chocolate chips to eat since sniffing them was such a desperate measure.
8. Favorite Shoes:
I love mean, wicked shoes. Like I told Liz, I like shoes that make your back hurt. This is probably one of the reasons I have such back problems. But oh well. They look so damn good!

9. Self-Portrait Right Now:
I had to have Keola take this for me. I haven't even showered today... it's the first day of no school for the kids, and we were absolutely lazy. My husband is out of town, so effort is minimal. I don't even have any makeup leftover from yesterday. So this is me... au natural. Be thankful you don't have to experience the au natural breath that comes along with the look.

And there you have it. I was sweating at the thought of this intrusion into my imperfection. If you still love, me, great. You're way less Type A than I am.

Now I'd like a peek into AnnaBanana, Tristan, Steve and Tiff. Actually, there are a lot more I'd like to see, so if you read my blog, know that I am nosy enough and would like to spy on you. So let me.