Age 19: Biggest concern- have I worn the same bikini top too often this week? Have I rotated through the collection enough?
Age 35: Biggest concern- the sunburns I incurred from said bikini tops are now filling me with regret and irritation.
Yeah. When you're young, carefree, in college... your day wardrobe consists of a lot of bikini tops. There doesn't even really have to be water around. You just throw on the shorts and the top, and head out to play in the sun. You haven't birthed or nursed children yet, so you wear it well. Hopefully all the guys you're hanging out with will feel the same way, and you can score some free barbecue. Oh, and let's not forget all the time spent in the tanning bed. SPF? WTF?!
With the wisdom of age, I can now look back and wonder what the hell I was actually trying to achieve. A less-lighter shade of pale perhaps? Dimming the glare? Ecru, at best. I mean, come on people. When we talk about "white" folk, I am the poster child.
So funny thing, I've had this funky anomaly on my back for a month now. I'll spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say the time came to see a medical professional. As said medical professional is poring over my back, she casually asks me, "Have you had many sunburns in your life?" My mind is racing: Do I give a smart-mouth remark about how I'm both super-white AND vain, or do I just say "Yes ma'am." I opt for the latter. Next words out of her medical professional mouth are, "Well we'll just go ahead and cut this thing off and send it in."
HOLD UP, WAIT A MINUTE, AIN'T NOTHIN BUT TUTTI-FRUITY, said Salt-n-Pepa. We don't just throw around the term "cut this thing off" when referencing body parts.
...Or do we?
As it turns out, we do. I said, "I have only got 30 minutes before I have to pick my children up from school." Twenty minutes and three stitches later I was redressing, staring at a funky looking chunk of myself floating in a jar of antiseptic.
This is as much as you're gonna see of it:
The moral of the story is: yes, you were hot at 19. Now, your skin is melon-balled right off your body in time for you to pick up your children from school. Don't forget to borrow your five year old's SPF 50. No shame in wearing a Water Babies product.
26 comments:
I hear you on this one. Not to mention what ugly spots and wrinkles it left on my face. Why did I feel like I had to be tan year round? I remember so clearly my dad telling me that I would regret it one day...
Thank you for sparing us a picture! Let us know what they come back and say about your "thing" on your back.
And this is why I, girl raised in Hawaii, am a sunscreen Nazi. Hope the results are good, 'er negative, 'er benign, 'er whatever they are supposed to be that means everything is okay.
Our pediatrician says the only good mole is in a jar.
Hope the pathology report is good.
I just KNEW that white girl I saw hanging out at USU in bikini tops was YOU!
(I was the one with a belly piercing laying out in front of my apartment. What were we thinking???)
This reminds me, I need to make an appointment with the dermatologist. Suntan = bad, even if fat does look better tan than white.
I've had lots of me melon balled and some very negative feedback on the balls. Between cancer and scars, I've lost all desire to wear a swimsuit.
You publicly admit to wearing bikini tops?
There goes your chance at General Young Women's President.
I know you were totally praying for that.
I hope the skin issues are resolved!
I forgot to tell you that you were right. The big hair was a turn on, not so much the milk glass.
And thank you for not judging.
The sun has not been kind to my skin. I worshipped the sun from the age of 14 through my 30's and now I look like I' twice my age. I always thought I looked good with a tan, now I can say it's definitely not worth it.
Got to give it to you for a very intriguing title. Content did not disappoint. Hope all is benign. (And I looked up "benign" to make sure I spelled it right.)
Eeek! Ryan had 2 removed a couple years ago; luckily yours is not in an obvious "look at my scar" spot. His are on the back of his neck so you can't miss them.
Oh honey, I used to lather myself in BABY OIL, of all things, and sit in the sun until I had third degree burns. When I die of skin cancer, it will not surprise me in the least. I will totally deserve now.
Now? You won't catch me EVER leaving the house without at least spf 30. More when it's summer and we're at the pool. Oh, the follies of youth...
wait, I'm lost... er not paying attention, one of those... gotta go tan now.
Thanks for the lesson... I'm still too hard headed.
I tagged you for a meme...
I know, it is scary...I have this weird mark on my arm that I thought was a wart but it has been itchy and weepy. I guess I need to ask the doctor.
I could kick myself for not wanting to feel, "All greasy" because of sunscreen.
Your wit is fantastic. "Ecru, at best." I love it.
Your writing is so spot on...being mellon balled in time to pick up your kids. You summed it up with perfection.
I have yearly melon balling experiences. So far I've only come up "pre-cancerous" but I'm pretty certain that at some point I'm going to hit the jackpot. It's the curse of the super-pasty.
And I never even had the fun of the bikini.
Make sure you have plenty of ointment around - they really start to itch on about day 3.
THis is why I don't understand 40 year old tanning bed women--why are they not worried about wrinkles and skin cancer like me?? Are they just not watching all the Today segments that I am?? Do they not see the forehead lines that I do? It mystifies me.
I got through this every six months. It sucks. And hurts.
When I think of the thousands of hours I spent on our canal bank drenched in baby oil on my body and lemon juice in my hair...I am lucky I have no melon ball experiences. Probably because I had a strict mother who only let us have one pieces...that we would roll down and roll up as much as possible!! Good times.
Let us know the report results, I'll be worried til you do! (and sadly, you know I will worry....)
OH! Is THAT why my face looks like a rotten apple at age 37?? It's all coming together..
(Must admit that the two large patches of skin I've had removed from my face because of my 6+year tanning membership.. have tightened the skin around those areas KINDA like a mini-face lift.. but not sure it was worth losing so many eyebrows.)
I'm calling the dermatologist right now!
Great advice! I don't know why it is STILL so hard for this latina to follow it. At least I am following it with my kids. I promise to use sunblock this summer!!! I hope your back is going to be okay.
Ouch! I hope the report turns out OK.
I really, really need to do this. All four of my grandparents had skin cancer although none of them died from it. My mom died from cancer. She, and my dad still to this day, go in to the dermatologist twice a year and get moles removed. It's been 14 years since I have been in a swimsuit without sunscreen on but I know damage was done in my youth. Bikini tops? You go girl. I never looked good enouh for those. Even in my teens.
Please share, how do you go about choosing a doctor to check you over for anomalies? Someone I know went to one and had to lay BUCK NAKED on the table while the doctor examined every inch of their body with jeweler's glasses. I don't think I could handle that. I'm laughing already.
So, how did you pick someone? And were you at least semi covered?
I was on swimteam from age 4 to 12 so I have enjoyed many long hours in the sun. I think it's time for me to head on in.
I am sorry I missed this. I was too busy whining about my own little thing. Geez.
Please keep us informed.
And I wish I could say I used to wear bikinis. That was never an option with this bod. Boo hoo.
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